Parental Advice Interpreter Pillows

"Mom said eat everything in moderation, so I renamed the cookie jar 'Moderation.'"

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

A Tit for Tat.

'She speaks 6 languages and can't say 'No' in any of them. . .'

'Never underestimate the value of pipe-dreams, my son.'

'My doctor told me avoid any unnecessary stress, so I didn't visit him today.'

'I wasn't playing hooky -- I was fleeing the deteriorating public school system.'

'He never listened to his mother!'

"It's all significantly less impressive once you realize these guys had free child care."

"You know, son, you're not going to get anywhere just gliding around all the time!"

"Hold it right there! Our legislature is currently considering new measures to protect children from the insidious ravages of cell phones in schools!"

Stork Story.

"Mom can really push my buttons. She installed them."

Warring parents

"Other than being sent to the principal's office, my detention, and three day suspension, school was good."

Mom's The Boss

"Stop telling me how well you did on the written."

'My mom just explained babies to me. I'm not sure, but I think I'm a bird and you're a bee.'

"Before you know it, they'll be all grown up and moved to Brooklyn."

"Dad, I'm thinking they could be tax deductable."

'I may not be able to smack you, but it won't stop the 'Bogie Man' coming to get you if you are naughty !'

"Oh, don't jump. But at least learn to code."

"I understand that by the time we've hit our teens we'll have them pretty much where we want them."

A Victorian park.

'I don't mind them, but I would like to see my daughter getting married to one of them!'

"They grow so fast. In my day, you didn't become morbidly obese until adulthood."

'It's making me happy.'

"When my parent were kids, they made up alibis. I just carry disclaimers."

'Principal Smith, this is a parent of a student in your school. I'd like to discuss my son's grades. Is this a good time?'

"I've been a child psychologist for twenty years. Based on my experience, and several sessions with your son, I believe what is needed is a swift swat on his rump!"

"No thanks! My dad said those things will kill you!"