Parental Advice Interpreter Gifts

"Mom said eat everything in moderation, so I renamed the cookie jar 'Moderation.'"

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

'She speaks 6 languages and can't say 'No' in any of them. . .'

A Tit for Tat.

'Never underestimate the value of pipe-dreams, my son.'

Icarus, you are not flying anywhere until you put on some sunscreen.

'My doctor told me avoid any unnecessary stress, so I didn't visit him today.'

'I wasn't playing hooky -- I was fleeing the deteriorating public school system.'

"You know, son, you're not going to get anywhere just gliding around all the time!"

'He never listened to his mother!'

"It's all significantly less impressive once you realize these guys had free child care."

"Hold it right there! Our legislature is currently considering new measures to protect children from the insidious ravages of cell phones in schools!"

Warring parents

Stork Story.

"Mom can really push my buttons. She installed them."

"Other than being sent to the principal's office, my detention, and three day suspension, school was good."

Son, it's time you grew some legs and moved out.

Mom's The Boss

"Stop telling me how well you did on the written."

'My mom just explained babies to me. I'm not sure, but I think I'm a bird and you're a bee.'

"Before you know it, they'll be all grown up and moved to Brooklyn."

'I may not be able to smack you, but it won't stop the 'Bogie Man' coming to get you if you are naughty !'

"Oh, don't jump. But at least learn to code."

"Dad, I'm thinking they could be tax deductable."

Wow, you're right! Your mom's regurgitated worms are way better than my mom's!

"I understand that by the time we've hit our teens we'll have them pretty much where we want them."

"They grow so fast. In my day, you didn't become morbidly obese until adulthood."

A Victorian park.

'I don't mind them, but I would like to see my daughter getting married to one of them!'

"Sorry, son. . . You're not getting the keys to the car until you show me you're mature enough to bring it back completely totaled."

'It's making me happy.'

"When my parent were kids, they made up alibis. I just carry disclaimers."

"No thanks! My dad said those things will kill you!"

"Perhaps I should clarify. When I said to drink plenty of fluids ..."

'Principal Smith, this is a parent of a student in your school. I'd like to discuss my son's grades. Is this a good time?'