Parental Expert Pillows

"When my parent were kids, they made up alibis. I just carry disclaimers."

'William, I've decided to go back to work so I can get a little rest during the day.'

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

'He's the one who needs obedience training!'

Well, we thought we had childproofed the house

'Change is inevitable, espeically when you have a newborn in diapers."

"Now that I can talk, here's my speaking fee."

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

"That is one absorbent nappy."

"Ah...here they are!"

"Another reckless baby driver! I'd arrest the whole lot of them if they weren't so damn cute."

"It's true, mommy...the chocolate bunny attacked me - it was self-defense!"

'Never underestimate the value of pipe-dreams, my son.'

"Instead of taking a bath couldn't I just run through a carwash?"

'This is Tyler; he's mommy's precious little feral-angel.'

"Yes, he was very nice, Mom, but he had to cut the date short because it was... 'report card time'!"

"If you find authority intolerable, remember, you're in good company."

The modern generation!

'At midnight, we go over the wall.'

He can't talk yet, but he still gets the last word.

Icarus, you are not flying anywhere until you put on some sunscreen.

"I'm the last to go home because my parents are still fine tuning their work-life balance."

'Is it okay to apologize for something I'm going to do?'

"It's difficult to attract a younger customer when our main demographic is babies."

Sometimes nature not only calls; she makes an emergency breakthrough.

World's Best Dad. I don't know. I thought they were with you. World's Best Mom.

They grow up so fast, so we're already putting money away for bail.

'Dad, I don't need a two-thirds majority to over-ride your veto. I've got mom.'

Look at it this way: You're changing the future of the nation...one diaper at a time!

Toilet Training

'Sorry, he can't come out and play. He's grounded.'

'He's my personal potty trainer.'

'But I'm not tired yet!!!'

"Hold it right there! Our legislature is currently considering new measures to protect children from the insidious ravages of cell phones in schools!"