Parental Expert Pillows

"When my parent were kids, they made up alibis. I just carry disclaimers."

'William, I've decided to go back to work so I can get a little rest during the day.'

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

'He's the one who needs obedience training!'

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

'Change is inevitable, espeically when you have a newborn in diapers."

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

"That is one absorbent nappy."

"Ah...here they are!"

"It's true, mommy...the chocolate bunny attacked me - it was self-defense!"

"Another reckless baby driver! I'd arrest the whole lot of them if they weren't so damn cute."

"Instead of taking a bath couldn't I just run through a carwash?"

'Never underestimate the value of pipe-dreams, my son.'

'This is Tyler; he's mommy's precious little feral-angel.'

"If you find authority intolerable, remember, you're in good company."

'Is it okay to apologize for something I'm going to do?'

The modern generation!

"I'm the last to go home because my parents are still fine tuning their work-life balance."

"It's difficult to attract a younger customer when our main demographic is babies."

"Yes, he was very nice, Mom, but he had to cut the date short because it was... 'report card time'!"

'At midnight, we go over the wall.'

Sometimes nature not only calls; she makes an emergency breakthrough.

'I changed my mind...I'm not thirsty anymore.'

"Hold it right there! Our legislature is currently considering new measures to protect children from the insidious ravages of cell phones in schools!"

Toilet Training

"Now you know how Daddy feels when Mommy overdraws the checkbook."

'He's my personal potty trainer.'

"You know, son, you're not going to get anywhere just gliding around all the time!"

'Dad, I don't need a two-thirds majority to over-ride your veto. I've got mom.'

'Sorry, he can't come out and play. He's grounded.'