Parent With Kids Pillows

"There's something about ripping the stuffing out of a toy that turns me into a wild dog. I'm afraid I actually like that feeling."

'You never compliment me when it's tidy so I figured you wouldn't notice when it's a tip!'

'Mom! -- Jeffrey's having a wardrobe malfunction!'

I'm beginning to regret buying that Roomba.

'It says here: while most dogs are family dogs, some dogs like one family member more. Do you think Fritzi is like that?'

"Yes, Donald, I know you didn't expect a test today... that's why it's called a pop quiz!"

"I'm OK. But I think the dog wants to go out."

"The sellers had a lot of kids, so they got tired of running out of hot water. So they upgraded."

Lemonade 5c Sugar Free: 'It sure is!'

'Well, it's kind of an IV enema!'

'He's a son-of-a-bitch but he's our son-of-a-bitch!'

"I'm going to need a pediatrician, two vets and an ornithologist."

Childhood's End

Sweets

'Watch out for my little brother -- he's clothing-optional.'

A dog is for life, not just for Covid.

'I told him that you said people should share things with the less fortunate!'

Doggy $100 and don't ask again.

"I don't allow pets on the furniture, but I do allow them on the guests."

'He happened to swallow Junior's helium balloon!'

'I went to school with Mary today: Boy that was fun!!' (colour)

Dog with a dummy.

"He was in my price range, 'Free to a good home'."

'We are looking for a bigger place to accommodate our extended family.'

"No kidding? And it took me 20 minutes to climb up here!"

'I need a helping hand.'

"Guys, if you're taking your baby in the living room, please use a coaster."

"Ooooh, Mommy...do these things come with instructions?"

"Don't feel bad Rex: desperate measures for desperate times! That new trumpet of Young Master had to disappear..."

'I may lose the connection intermittently.'

'I can remember when he was quite happy just chasing a stick.'

"Tell me truthfully, mummy, was I adopted?"

Changes at Home

'Look,Mum, that poor man's got toothache too!'