Parent Of Energetic Kids Pillows

'I'd like to exchange these cola can tokens for a book on hyperactivity.'

'I have just thing for wiggly, little boys.'

"If oceans are absorbing more carbon dioxide, why isn't this water fizzy?"

"Can I have another sausage Dad?"

'You never compliment me when it's tidy so I figured you wouldn't notice when it's a tip!'

Exercising

Jeff's Smorgasbord

Jack in the box on strike.

'Still having problems finding a baby sitter?'

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies: 'Feeding'

“Hands, Rachel. Clap your hands. Why on earth would I say, ‘If you’re happy and you know it, slap Sam’?”

Lawyer's baby first word: whiplash!

"I know, but all promises are off when Daddy's writing his grant proposals."

'Push, dear! The child will be late for pre-school!'

A baby being christened in a scuba mask.

"Mum can you come home quick, dad's started to make an exhibition of himself again!"

'You can't start them exercising too early.'

'I couldn't find any box filler so I shredded those tax documents on your desk.'

Lemonade 5c Sugar Free: 'It sure is!'

Baby car seat for a Native American.

"Do you really use all of the stuff on this school supply list?"

"You can't have dessert until you eat all of your people nuggies."

Early Night Club

'We need a dog!'

'Dad demonstrates for an hour and then we go home - what happens in your swimming lessons?'

"Here comes the airplane--once it gets clearance from the tower, which should be in another 45 minutes. Thank you for your patience."

"Sleep? Who needs sleep? It's time to PARTAY!"

A Young Indoor Cyclist

Beating Dad at Chess.

"I'm going to need a pediatrician, two vets and an ornithologist."

Mind them while I go shopping and I'll give you 50 bucks extra!

"You mind if I sit here and yammer on while my kid does whatever he wants?"

'Who's gonna stay here and do my homework?'

Soccer Moms Without Kids.

'I'm not waiting for luggage; I just bring the kids here to play.'