Parent-in-law Jester Pillows

'Do I want to live together? Sure. With my parents, or yours?'

"I know what this is, it's what mum and dad call 'working from home'...

"Feel free to take notes."

"Because he's illiterate. That's why I have to read to him all the time."

'I'd like your permission to enter into pre-nuptial negotiations...'

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

"Yeah, I'm still scared of it too, but the worst part is that it seems to be GROWING...."

"You may be in love, but can you support my daughter on what a herring makes?"

"No, four glasses of water was enough. . . now I have to go to the bathroom!"

"Bogeyman under your bed? Oh, no, sweetie, there's no room under there… unlike your closet."

"You might need to remind Mrs. Sanders it's 'bring your DAUGHTER to work' day."

"I've been in the doghouse ever since I tried to get my mother-in-law hanged as a witch."

'She just came down the stairs without walking.'

'Hey, 'Houdini', after you figure out how to levitate the cork ou tof the bottle, I can use your magic at the kitchen sink.'

"At least our son is marrying a doctor!"

"The main skill you need in parenting, is the ability to surreptitiously eat chocolate."

"My family argues so much over living in the city or country that it makes me feel like pulled pork."

"All rise."

"My entire family's coming for the holidays."

'There'll be a small, temporary tax hike -- I REALLY have to build a mother-in-law room.'

"You've got to understand, in my family Dad was the poodle and Mom was the pit bull."

'You're not supposed to use fabric softener on ARMOR!'

"When the new employment laws come in parenting is going to be a whole lot easier...."

"Sure, I'll give you a second opinion. I don't think you should stay home from school either."

A Mom and Pop Operation

'He's determined not to enjoy himself this Christmas.'

'Baby sand shark eat their siblings.'

"Since he retired I try and give him something to do around the house."

"We're a big, happy family here, so think of your firing as tough love."

"For the last time, young man, I said 'NO'! You may NOT feed bubble gum to the dog!"

'Goodnight honey... did you remember to unplug the baby?'

Toddler in the Bed: A Journey

"Your baby is fine, but we're keeping her overnight as a precaution. Here's a loaner."

Kids go to school and mom goes to the psychiatric clinic.

Angler's bait