Jokester About In-laws Pillows

'I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took the mother-in-law to the airport!'

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

'He has your nose and my ears.'

Baby sees bottle with math formula marked, 'Baby Formula'.

Rusty, not believing in God, seized his chance...

Raised by Dogs

"Isn't he the spitting image of his Dad?"

'Roy! For the last time, don't wave that red one in front of your Dad.'

"Adopted? It's cute how you think we would've picked you."

'Ever since I've started showing, my husband has affectionately called me 'Three Humps'...'

Your Message on Your T-Shirt: 'Do As You Are Told!'

"Right now, grandmom's bark is definitely worse than her bite!"

Turn off your car stereo before trying to start your kid's car.

'I AM a magician! When I wake up granddad from his nap, I turn Gramps into Grumps!'

"At home there's a fish, a cat, a dog, me, and a big sister."

MUM! I'll take the dog for a walk!

"Get me away from this crazy person..."

"And try not to spill Daddy's Martini, Caleb."

"You're getting a nanny. We decided to outsource our parenting"

'For no particular reason I want to know the location of our fire extinguisher.'

Tree's Tree Nursery. Get this. Dad is selling those goofy upside-down tomato planters. What idiot would buy them? Thanks! I'll let you know how it works! My idiotic bio teacher.

'You want to hear me speaking my first word? I don't say anything without my lawyer, mister!'

"Honey! What's wrong. . . Mommy get you a band-aid!"

"Young man! You turn the gravity back on this instant!!"

"Sure, my dad and my granddad and my granddad's dad were all domesticated. But that doesn't mean I have to be."

Son to Father, "So dad, tell me, have you ever larged it!"

There's a toxic cloud moving in our direction! Hurry! Teddy's home from sports camp. Ha. Ha. Ha.

Mom $50 Pop $35

"Oh, it's always something now he wants to become a vegetarian."

"Nice try Kevin, but you've put all your laundry into the dishwasher!"

"Damn it, agree to whatever she demands. No matter what it takes, I want my mommy."

'But, Mom - I am watering the garden just like you told me!'

"You've got bunions, hammertoes and plantar fasciitis. Bad feet must run in your family." "Nobody runs in my family."

"For my will I decided to cut out the middle man and bequeath all my money to the IRS."

'A boy? Come on, Mom, you can do better than that!'