Parent-child Relationship Ponderer Gifts

Those aren't voices in your head. Those are your parents.

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"They must be grown-up ducks, because they're eating the crusts too."

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

'...And then, I guess our relationship got TOO meaningful.'

"Look - I'm cold, you're cold. Why don't we settle down and start a family?"

'When do they learn to stand upright?'

'He said he wasn't good enough for me, so I married him because he's the first man to realize that.'

"Some day you'll look back at this and remember me as the person who taught you to fear water."

"This may be Malcolm Gladwell talking, but we were married on the wrong day!"

"Sorry I'm late with my grades. I was busy removing the 'Honor Roll' bumper sticker from the car."

"A cluck cluck here and a cluck cluck there,...is that all I meant to you?"

"Mom, are you going to properly vet the baby before you bring her home from the hospital?"

'Daddy! There's a Politician in my closet!'

"Oh Adam. This is the second...sorry, I mean third happiest day of my life."

"Being a celebrated artist, I do sometimes wonder why you never celebrate me."

"Seventy-seven. How about yours."

'Wow, that was unforgettable.'-'What was?'

"Have you seen my wife?"

"If you were the only man in the world, and I were the only woman. . . would we still have to diet?"

Meaningful...Meaningless relationships.

"It's quiet in here. I suppose it's off the popular tourist route!"

'My kids don't understand me.'

'I really like him but I can't bear waiting for THE LUNGE'

'He was raised by sparrows!'

'What a coincidence....that's my mum's name to!'

A Toxic-Waste-Think-Tank With Toxic-Thoughts.

Are you honestly trying to play footsie with me? I never mix footsie with honesty.

"I'm giving love one more try."

Are we going to raise her as a cat person or a dog person?

You've got to help me, Em. Sure. My mom's hot on this strict, Chinese-style parenting. Welcome to my world. Tell her that your parents aren't pushing you to be a doctor. Sure. They gave up on that. They'll settle for Harvard law school. That's too much information.

"I’ve changed my mind. I no longer want to conquer the world. I just want to conquer those two..."

"With a good education you can grow up to be anything I want you to be."

"Is it wrong to be evasive and not answer questions?"