Parcel Prankster Pillows

'I can't stop, it's a stimulus package.'

"Don't open that, man. It's just rude to open someone else's mail. Seriously dude."

Fragile box.

Leonard Sippowitz, neighbour of the beast.

'Sure I can do same day service.'

"What the...a swarm of Christmas air-mail parcels?! Pull her up, Larry! Pull her up!!"

"Listen mate - don't mess me about! Did you, or did you not, 10 years ago, adopt a mountain lion cub. . .??"

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

IN box...OUT is wastepaper basket on fire.

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

MacGyver's Cat: 'You see, I took your bed and two paper clips and made it my bed.'

'Big sale at the Dog Store. Buy 1, get 2 free.'

"Oh great, the printer is down."

"Hello, Pine Grove Elementary? Could you tell Miss Pritchard to come to Lakeview Veterinarian Clinic right away?"

"Well, if you hadn't misfiled it in the first place it wouldn't have been lost."

"Hello? Guys? Okay, I've had a long day and I'm very tired, so no pranks this time. I'm serious... guys?!"

"I always get the 'Good Boy.' How about the 'Bad Dog' for a change?"

'He ate all the magnets off of the refrigerator.'

'It's a new rule, sir - There's a seven-day waiting period for stamps now.'

'Oh, he's been a bad dog all right - why else would he lawyer up?'

'I taught him to shake hands, but I don't know where he got the joybuzzer!'

"Which of you knows how to operate the paper shredder?"

"Mr. Stiltz asked Jean to ask Genie to ask Kelley to ask Dawn to ask Lisa to tell you he'd like to see you in his office."

"That damn dog's scratching again!"

Access Denied!

'He followed me home. Can I keep him, mum? Can I?'

Self-walking dog

"I think it says 'courgettes'."

"It was trick to assemble, as my lab assistant kept taking bones and burying them outside."

'Dog got your clog?'

"I'd like a 'change of address' card."

Postman walking away from mailbox after putting mail in. Sounds of it eating can be heard.

'Its old Mrs Smith again, I am pretty sure its because she can't afford the vets bills she says the appointment is for her nephew.'

'And all these years I just thought you were very proficient.'

All items on the premises have been marked for identification: 'My cat sprayed everything in the house.'