Parasite Ponderer T-Shirts

'We are parasites, but I think we also have parasites.'

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

My Bookshelf Before the Internet

"You don't throw them back if they're too small!"

"Why bother?"

No Immediate Danger

"Oh boy charades! I love charades! Something big? Is it a bird? It's sharp! Behind? Above?"

'It's a program on paranoia. Every time I leave the room, they stop and wait for me to come back.'

Ghost puddle

"You dropped yer wallet."

Next Time-Portal 5 Miles...

"Go ahead. Fly through it. I dare you."

'You can fill your teddy bear with stuffing or with a demonic spirit summoned from the nether regions.'

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

"Of course you can't put your finger on it. It's a hypothetical particle."

"Today we'll examine that age old question of robot accomplishment: programming or processor?"

'When we bought this place we thought we'd only be making wine. Apparently, we're also into spirits.'

'Is there a lady in the audience whose late husband says he never did put up that shelf?'

Conspiracy Cat

'There must be some way we can capitalize on that damn boson.'

"Ok, you were right – dogs can see ghosts."

'White meat or dark?'

"Is this as good a bad time as any other bad time you've experienced?"

'Ooops. Look at it this way: you won't have to worry about bee mites infesting your colonies now.'

"It's Eden. You don't have to keep checking for ticks."

Hypochodriac worrying about his heart.

'Do you get the feeling we're being watched?'

Time, Temp, Today's Neutrino Mass

"A plague of frogs? Awesome!"

'No, this is area 50...Area 51 is over that way...'

'I checked my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead!'

"I'm afraid Larry sleeps with more than just the fishes."

"Wow. I just had a near life experience!"

Human meat.

"You never call, and the federal government will back me up on that."