Paranoia Pacifier T-Shirts

"As a confirmed hypochondriac, I rely on placebos to get me through the day."

My Bookshelf Before the Internet

No Immediate Danger

Mother puts extra long dummy in babies mouth.

Janey then realized that babysitting isn't easy...

'It's a program on paranoia. Every time I leave the room, they stop and wait for me to come back.'

"You dropped yer wallet."

"I'm guessing you're a germaphobe?"

"Is this as good a bad time as any other bad time you've experienced?"

"It's Eden. You don't have to keep checking for ticks."

'Do you get the feeling we're being watched?'

"It's great things are back to normal, except that there are people everywhere."

'I can feel it, Henderson - Someone out there is up to no good.'

"Bernie has fear of commitment - He thinks the American Psychiatric Association is out to get him."

Baby sucks cork on Australian's bush hat.

'Talk about paranoid. He reads the fine print on his money.'

It's 10PM. Do you know if you're under electronic surveillance from a spy satellite?

Monitor Reads: Now You've Done It! AAIIIIEEE...

'You've got hypochondria.'

'Well, we've probed and diagnosed you thoroughly and still have found nothing. Now Dr. Thompson here would like you to lie down in his office for a special 'hypochondria scan.''

'You tell me - IS the sky out to get you?'

'I think a grim reaper is following me...'

Things You Should Know About...

"Thnakes thuppothed bo be thkarey..."

Closed system: Worry-powered TV set.

Dummy Sucking Area

'I can never do anything with my hair phobia.'

"Handwriting analysis has revealed that Spencer is not in fact my husband."

Optimistic Paranoia.

'Sit tight — I'm going to call for backup.'

'Did you ever have a feeling you're being watched?'

'But what if it IS as bad as I think?'

'Nobody's even TRIED to steal my identity!'

Beware: Safe Area.