Paranoia Pacifier T-Shirts

"As a confirmed hypochondriac, I rely on placebos to get me through the day."

My Bookshelf Before the Internet

No Immediate Danger

Mother puts extra long dummy in babies mouth.

Janey then realized that babysitting isn't easy...

'It's a program on paranoia. Every time I leave the room, they stop and wait for me to come back.'

"You dropped yer wallet."

"Is this as good a bad time as any other bad time you've experienced?"

"I'm guessing you're a germaphobe?"

"It's Eden. You don't have to keep checking for ticks."

'Do you get the feeling we're being watched?'

'I keep thinking I'm being watched...'

"It's great things are back to normal, except that there are people everywhere."

'I can feel it, Henderson - Someone out there is up to no good.'

Baby sucks cork on Australian's bush hat.

"Bernie has fear of commitment - He thinks the American Psychiatric Association is out to get him."

"I have this nagging feeling that cartoonists are everywhere, drawing everything I do."

It's 10PM. Do you know if you're under electronic surveillance from a spy satellite?

'Talk about paranoid. He reads the fine print on his money.'

Monitor Reads: Now You've Done It! AAIIIIEEE...

Closed system: Worry-powered TV set.

Things You Should Know About...

'Well, we've probed and diagnosed you thoroughly and still have found nothing. Now Dr. Thompson here would like you to lie down in his office for a special 'hypochondria scan.''

'You tell me - IS the sky out to get you?'

'I think a grim reaper is following me...'

'You've got hypochondria.'

Dummy Sucking Area

"Thnakes thuppothed bo be thkarey..."

'I can never do anything with my hair phobia.'

Optimistic Paranoia.

"Handwriting analysis has revealed that Spencer is not in fact my husband."

'Did you ever have a feeling you're being watched?'

'Sit tight — I'm going to call for backup.'

Beware: Safe Area.

'Nobody's even TRIED to steal my identity!'