Paralegal Gifts

"You have a pretty good case, Mr. Pitkin. How much justice can you afford?"

'No, I said 'paralegals'.'

"Come now, give the system a chance."

"No, I can't explain it. He was alive when I buried him."

"I'm innocent. I've just never been able to pass up a good plea bargain."

'Location, location, location! If we had law offices on Mars, we would have twice as many billable hours a day.'

"Yes, he cut paper, but rock hit him first - that make my client a victim."

"Miss Antonacci, please have a regular coffee and a cheese Danish remanded to my chambers."

'Send this back to the legal department. I think they could make it much more complicated than this...'

"Excellent-let's run it through legal."

Maze of legalities.

"Can you have another look at this? There's still a few sentences people might understand..."

'Something about this court makes me uneasy.'

'I'm just running this past legal.'

"You're going to do time, but I'm trying to get it in dog years."

"We may be in trouble. . . the prosecutions expert witness can usually tell if a defendants been good or bad!"

"Oh dear, it's just as we suspected.. they do come from another planet."

"Sign here to indicate you have no idea what you've signed."

'I object, Your Honor! Hearsay evidence!'

'Don't sign any binding agreements that we can't un-bind.'

''How do you plead' is just a legal term.'

'Come on, Your Honor - If you can't defraud an insurance company, who CAN you defraud?'

"Say, isn't that the guy who used to draft legal documents at our law firm?"

It's hard to defend plagiarism.

As it turned out, that was a lie too.

'...But first, this a job for litigator-man, who needs you to sign some release forms.'

'Send this contract back to legal. It needs more obfuscation.'

'I'll answer the question provided you listen without interrupting, commenting or passing judgment.'

'But your honor, imitation is the sincerest form of copyright infringement.'

"My name is Jerome and I will be your summons server this evening."

The Devil's in the detail!

'Your honor, would you please instruct the witness to stop texting on his cell phone during my cross-examination!'

A dog on trial with an all cat jury

'The fine print can be read only if held up to a mirror.'

Personal injury claims...