Paperwork Enthusiast Gifts

'Outcomes...normally we just measure the height of the files.'

"No, not there, please. That's where I'm going to put my head."

"Where would we BE without the right DOCUMENTATION...?"

'Hang on while I find a pencil.'

"Does anyone know C.P.A.?"

'I'll show you what's in mine if you'll show me what's in yours.'

'Tiptoe it by legal.'

'What happened to that efficiency report? I had it in my hand not two minutes ago.'

-"Wife and kids?" -"No, a photo of a set of beautifully prepared accounts."

IRS tax forms.

'You forgot the form number? No problem- Just fill out this form number request form.'

"Not succinct or to the point Ambrose...just how we like it!"

'Making staff get a sick note after one day is essential if we're to make the whole system work more efficiently!'

"He started at the bottom and found it to be his comfort zone."

'Is this the service charge for my convenience store or have you inadvertently billed me for refurbishing Oxford street?'

"Hope you know how fortunate you are...next year's tax forms get complicated..."

'Before we start could we just confirm whether you are a 'client', 'customer', 'user' or just popped in to get out of the rain?'

The New Simplified Tax Return!...Step 1: Calculate income from all sources...Step 2: Send it.

'I think we should budgets we draw up.'

Love me, Love my documents.

'Of course it's a lengthy process. We feel hiring you should be as difficult as firing you.'

Immigration office with overload on in trays.

'Good new. . . we're moving you to a bigger desk!'

'It's a questionnaire asking why you're interested in early retirement.'

"You know you said you were looking forward to meeting your first client...?"

"Now, there are just a few more forms for you to sign, and then we're done!"

Fenton always makes a backup hard copy of his mental notes.

'I really miss ripping things to shreds.'

'Ah, the intoxicating smell of freshly photocopied educational surveys ready to be collated, distributed, and discarded.'

'What people don't appreciate is that if you don't have middle managers to oversee forms like the 566/c4-566 then you wouldn't even know how many 566/c4-566 had been filled out.'

Licensing Officer

'Yes, of course I'm coping without the admin staff.'

Personally I'm all in favour of extra layers of expensive bureaucracy!

"I suppose you have the receipts to qualify your deductions?"

Garbage in, garbage out.