Paperwork Comedians Gifts

NHS management

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

'Apparently, Smith's desk just couldn't withstand the weight of the paperwork we piled on his desk.'

'Today is the tomorrow I feared yesterday. . .'

"Think outside the box but never forget who owns the box."

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

"Have you and Tim picked out a name for the career obstacle yet?"

My brilliant career

Presentation: Thinking each other are idiots.

'Ms Simpson, I believe I've finally done it. I've written the Great American Memo.'

'Not here - home!'

"We offer 104 vacation days...otherwise known as weekends."

The new boss brought a sense of urgency.

'Item 56, we need to schedule a series of meetings to discuss whether we should have meeting to look at whether we're having too many meetings.'

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package ??" major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

'They just kept sending out memos. Who cared if they made sense?'

"When all else fails, blow darts still get their attention."

"We're to stop talking about 'budget cuts'. Apparently it's depressing for staff and clients..."

"Sorry, you can't cash in your vacation time. Since you didn't use it, tell it Bon Voyage!"

Man leaving his office with his computer tangled around his leg,

"I'm sorry, but Fred isn't available. He's spending a few days in the penalty box for not being a good team player. May I help you?"

My client is claiming that you have discriminated against him as a species, that your refusal to let him sniff client's bottoms is against his canine rights and that your policies have acted against him reaching partnership.

Artistic License

"Ok Watson, what have you dreamed up?"

'The firm is downsizing, Oglethorpe -- tell everybody to scrunch up.'

"We've decided to give you a bonus, Rick. It's any change you find under the cushions."

"Matt, you look like you just saw a ghost who fired you!"

'We finally do have meaningful tax reform, sir. This year's form is printed on recycled paper.'

"Want to go watch the people who get to leave at a normal hour?"

Hirer to employee handing him lighted hat: 'You'll be starting at the bottom.'

"I've called this meeting so I could see all of you squirm."

'This is the questionnaire we need everyone to fill out about their views on excessive bureaucracy.'

Man with desk organizers labelled 'Wheeling' and 'Dealing'.

'I don't want just a bunch of 'yes' men around here! Hire a couple of women!'

'Don't hesitate to critize me, Herb, whenever I think I am wrong.'