Paperwork Satirist Gifts

'I told him that I was leaving...that I couldn't put up with the endless stream of meaningless paperwork, the mind and morale sapping mountain of procedures and protocols!'

"I found another piece of paper for your bulletin board."

'Of course you can pull out of the act but I'll need a month's notice in writing.'

An inbox and an 'out and about' box

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

Sign - Halt manager crossing

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

'We haven't improved quality, but we've made it easier to return.'

'Today is the tomorrow I feared yesterday. . .'

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

'Blast it, Peterson -- What's this I hear about you letting our profits trickle down?'

"That arrow always goes to the bottom when I walk by."

"Perhaps this slide whistle can better illustrate what this graph is telling us."

Sock Puppet in Literature

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

'Ms Simpson, I believe I've finally done it. I've written the Great American Memo.'

Businessman sees door sign 'Department of Mismanagement and Overbudget'.

'Inevitably, I come to work early, leave late and alienate everyone.'

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

"They found a use for that old paper shredder."

Businessman: 'We're like one big family here, because of all the nepotism.'

Convenience.

"Repeat after me: We are delivering the proactive core value promises and rolling out our real time best practice action plan going forward ..."

"We should have taken the cubicles."

"I suppose you want the rest of the day off!"

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

'And from what we've been able to determine, this is the tweak that broke the paradigm's back.'

Sales chart plummets into employees head.

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

"I'm looking for a 'yes man' who can say 'no' without sounding negative"

"Do you think we should look again at who we invite to these meetings?"