Papal Pundit Gifts

"The whole neighborhood has an opinion on who the next pope should be."

'Transistional Pope. Is that nice way of saying they hope he doesn't live too long?'

'Don't be paranoid, Brother Jerome -- Why would they be talking about you?'

'All those in favor of having anchovies on our pizza will signify by saying aye.'

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

Edmund Burke's 'Reflections on the Revolution in France' haunts Dr Richard Price

'Which would be more Zen ? a pizza with nothing, or a pizza with everything?'

'Very well, I'll introduce you. Ego, meet ID. Now get back to work.'

'Wow, are all these desserts for here, or are you going to stuff your faces in the privacy of your own home?'

Mister Bundles VS. The Martians - Part Seven

Bill hits the ground running, makes a big splash early on, and rides a roller-coaster of insane popularity right into the "Where Are They Now?" Wilderness of Forgotten Celebrities.

'I use these ice cubes to make minor home repairs.'

The Pope

'Ed' 'Op-ed'

'You're going to stitch me up in this interview aren't you?'

"You're not fooling me. I can spot 'fake mews'."

"This is our format: Three minutes to present your case, two minutes each for rebuttal, one minute for summing up, and thirty seconds for claiming victory."

"You know our 'Never-Overwhelm-The-Reader' policy. Your story is irrelevant, trivial and stupid but not irrelevant, trivial and stupid enough."

The Pope's bags getting carried by an angel.

"Whoa...not so fast! First of all please tell me your address, your health insurance number, and spell your name for me, Mr. HelpI'mBleedingToDeath."

'This mindless blather is edited for TV.'

'Ok cup cake looks like its time to meet your maker.'

Inside church reactions to the Pope's resignation...

Ostrich with head buried in newspaper

Before you read the Guardian, ask yourself: do I need to?

'Correction,Dear- it's OUR newspaper!'

"He's quick with the birds and the bees stuff, but then comes the bulls and the bears. . ."

"He sold his fresh water before it melted."

Jeremy Paxman.

Newspaper circulation gauge.

'I recognize my incapacity to adequately fulfill the ministry entrusted to me...so I'm stepping down.'

Rise of the Amateur Internet Reporter

My opinions do not necessarily reflect those of the station, its advertisers and especially the teleprompter technician, who thinks I'm a total freakin' mor

Deep dish bourbon

You have a right to remain silent, whip the media into a frenzy of speculation, and cash in on the talk show circuit.