Panic Prognostic Gifts

"Turns out the sky isn’t falling … it's just the global markets crumbling."

Fight or Flight

'He was just saying that all things come to him who waits and, sure enough, along came a lightning bolt.'

"What we didn't have but obviously needed was an alarmist."

"....H....5....N...1...???You got me.... but I'm sure it spells trouble."

The Adrenal Gland Answers Your Questions

The End Is Nigh. . . Told You

Beware of the 4th quarter.

"Oh, stop hyperventilating! You went on vacation to relax, remember?"

"Your moon is in the House of Pancakes."

"And then yesterday, I had an epiphany: The best way for me to overcome my paralyzing fear of a global ecological/economic collapse is to find a way to turn it into a lucrative career!"

"He's given up trying to find anything else he can cut to reach 40% savings."

"It's almost flu season! Stay indoors! Touch no one!"

doom.com

Panic Button

'Took longer than I thought it would.'

'it's either mass hysteria, or a very effective advertising campaign.'

Flush Direct

A Dow Jones Industrial Average Correction Is Near

"I see a vague figure of someone groping...groping...groping..Yes, yes, it's coming in more clearly now! It seems to be—yes, it is a man! The man has a briefcase! And some papers! The man is an economist!"

Horses are nervous animals. . .

'The End is Near' and 'There's No End In Sight.'

Mr. Science Times

'....Man, I am really freaking out here.'

"For God's sake, man, just tell me what we're running from!"

'Tell me more about your premonition of impending dom, Mr Syms...'

How to Game the Popularity Voter Whores

Two doomsayers, one with a sign saying 'The end is near due to global warming' and the other 'The end is near due to nuclear winter'.

Doomsdayer waves sign saying 'The world isn't going to end, it's just going to suck'.

Professor Yomp inserts ecology into his economic formula: "We're doomed!"

"Armageddon? Aren't you the one who was saying the sky was falling?"

'Would this affect the markets?'

"I'll go out on a limb and say time will tell."

"Do I have time to run to the store?"

'Just taking precautions in case the plumber doesn't come before the house sinks!'