Panic Gourmet Gifts

"Elaine! The avocados are ripe—what do we do? What do we do?"

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

Soup of the month.

'I'll have the bacon and hay wrap.'

''Food miles' is a big issue, so I'm reducing the distance my food travels by moving my fridge into the living room.'

"The bagels are better in New York."

How lazy people decide what to eat

"Put out the Asian sates, the Russian blinis, and the Mexican bean dips, while whip up something Korean."

'Our guest tonight certainly needs no introduction.'

Writer and his Muse on a cookout.

"Your old Jewish mother with some pickled herring, sir. To remind you of your roots,"

'Most, yes, but they're not all carcinogenic!'

"It all comes down to the aging and fermentation process."

'That's funny... I could have sworn I saw the chef put him on the platter.'

'Today the Yuan rose against the pork belly, the chicken beak, the eel, the wanton, and the egg noodle.'

"I enjoy eating healthy – I just don’t like the food."

"It's made with real angel hair."

Fermeture des restaurants: la résistance s'organise

'I made a substitute in the recipe. Take-out.'

Stand back - while I whip something up

'I enjoyed the deviled ham, the deviled eggs and the devil's food cake, but we need a menu more in tune with our mission.'

'...and that concludes this seminar on healthy living. Now, if anyone cares to join me, I'm off to that new place down the street for some steak and a few beers.'

Suddenly Harold froze, trying to remember if he had ordered a side of roaches, or if this was a gross violation of public healthcare policy.

"Monsieur Proust, we would like to discuss product placement for one of our cakes...."

'Now watch and listen!'

"We've gone 'Glutton-Free'."

Lemon beelzebub for table 666

'This food's disgusting.' - 'And such small portions.'

Frisbee dog catching pizza dough

"All I've got left is smoked."

Hudson River Crouton

"I swear, you won't be able to tell the difference, plus, turkey eye of newt is much healthier for you."

"How was the food sir?"

"You want fries with that Chardonnay?"

'Waiter, this salad is obnoxious!' 'But, sir — you asked for French dressing!'