Pandemic Prepper Gifts

Virus Travel Agency. 'Doorknob OK?'

"The flu is coming! The flu is coming!"

"It's the new normal, Mrs. Arlo. Buy toilet paper stocks. Buy zoom stock."

Holiday Gifts 2020

'We're all out of flu vaccine - how about something for anxiety...?'

Chicken Noodle sold out.

Sourdough starter. Mask-making supplies. Everything else

Trick or Treatment.

Coronavirus Pandemic Library Borrower

Hazmat suit

"Clear off! Can't you see I'm self-isolating?"

"For most people, the sense of panic will be mild."

"See if our visitor is wearing a mask and listen for coughing while the door knob takes their temperature!"

Pandemic Fashion

S.O.S. vaccine

"I'm going out to buy toilet rolls. . . I may be some time."

"For safety reasons, we only sell lemonade kits now. You get a bottle of water, a lemon and two packets of sugar."

"I thought you'd like something useful this year."

The Masked Man

"This whole thing has turned him into a hypochondriac, he's even installed a medicine cabinet in his den."

Transmitting Swine Flu.

'It's the worst I've seen in this area. Lots of chicken pox going around.'

"While humanity battles the covid bioweapon we'll live freely in our bunker."

"For seven years I used your rent to build our quarantine bunker."

Fair readers, please accept these personal tips for remaining healthy and germ free. Public service announcement! Keep your stress low. Exercise, eat right, hydrate and try to get a little affection in your life, if you get my meaning. If you use someone else's computer, wipe down the keyboard with alcohol to kill the germs. Ditto with the mouthpiece of a borrowed cellular phone. Don't touch anything or anyone. Bathe yourself in hand sanitizer. Don't leave the house, and if you do, don't inhale

Back to Zoom Savings

'The golden eggs are great... but I need you to lay a golden parachute.'

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

A sun opens its mouth to eat a burning Earth

Zombie Problems

A fire extinguisher box with band aids in them has a sign above with reads, "In case you cut yourself breaking glass break this glass."

The End is Nigh

Wally flunks the test: The Emergency Broadcast System.

'For no particular reason I want to know the location of our fire extinguisher.'

What's your contingency plan, Randy? My what? If a calamity of biblical proportions were to strike here in Canardville, would you flee across the bridge to Candorville? Or would you search in vain for a fallout-resistant bunker, before surrendering to the cruel inevitability of your demise? I ask just for the sake of discussion. No reason to panic. Totally unrelated: I just found out someone who's definitely not me is selling fallout bunkers at buy-this-now-if-you-want-to-live.com. Very bad man.