Pampered Patient Gifts

'It's a classy coronary ward. They turn down the sheets and put a statin on your pillow.'

Spa

"Can you make me look like Wolverine?"

A woman with a dog and a baby on a leash

"Another one so relaxed, she couldn't walk out of here."

Emergency numbers on a telephone.

'Nobody minds if I take the ocean view suite with complimentary champagne and Sven, the in-room Swedish masseur, do they?'

The Cat Spa

"We'll get there when we get there!"

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

Invoice: 'That's good laughter is the best medicine.'

It was time for a little bit of lady admin

"Your driver will arrive in 4...9...17 minutes after three accidental loops around the airport."

'Harvey does all his own 'get well' cards.'

'Bored?'

'I have to admit I was skeptical at first, but their hooves are magical, Magical, I say!'

There aren't any serious side effects — just an occasional Elvis sighting.

Please Wait and wait and wait.

The Manicure.

Massage parlour offering therapeutic, Swedish, and ego massages.

"Dehumanization, maybe, but not depersonalization."

The Garra Rufa's idea of a Grand Day Out.

'You gotta help me, doctor! I took a deep breath to get some fresh air and inhaled my Blackberry!'

"Sorry Mr Penrose. We forgot to shake your medicine this morning."

A feast in a hospital bed.

Tweezers are a girl's best friend.

'There's only one side effect from this medication. It starts when you don't pay my bill!'

Thanks TSA

Rubber Duck Has Made A Nest

"He spoils them."

"Call me sentimental, but if I had to live my life all over again, I wouldn't change a thing."

Chill Out ZoneShell Out Zone.

Bureaucracy (Murphy's law)

"I got a bonus for the first time in years. Would it be selfish to spend it on myself instead of on Christmas gifts?"

'I can give up drinking and lead a normal life?- Make up your mind, will you?'