Pampered Parent Gifts

Breakfast in Bed.

"Look Mommy, hat!"

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

'That was fun!'

Spa

"Mom! Don't think of me as covered with sand. Think of me as sugar coated."

"Can you make me look like Wolverine?"

'She's just great with the children.'

"Actually, it is a bad time — I’m rushing to get the kids out of the oven."

'He's not talking yet, but his texting skills are excellent...'

A woman with a dog and a baby on a leash

"Another one so relaxed, she couldn't walk out of here."

"I'll be a little late. I'm working a double shift."

'I was an egg in the Easter play.'

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

"Hang on. Mommy's just checking to see if she's still relevant to the outside world."

Pappa clown views offspring in maternity window.

"I told you. . . use your inside miming."

'I go to St. Patrick's Church, I go to St. Patrick's School, and my name is Patrick. Is it also necessary for me to eat green food?'

"Whose turn is it to lick the knife?"

"Werewolves of London..."

Emergency numbers on a telephone.

'If you can keep him clean for a day you can sleep in his bed tonight.'

'Care to gaze upon the peaceful blanket of snow before I send the kids out?'

'A generous layer of vaseline makes an excellent tickle repellent!'

"Soon you'll be sucking your thumb AND tying your shoes...they call it multitasking."

Baby tells other Baby to call.

"He just said his first word!"

A child sitting on a swing - while playing with a hand-held electronic device or phone

"Oh, Frank, look! He's sending his first tweet!"

'Where do I put the batteries?'

Amazon Drones Delivering Babies

What do you want, the moon on a stick?

"You have a co-pay...two cookies and a glass of milk."

Circus Act