Paint Procrastinator Gifts

"That painting's not going to paint itself."

'I couldn't think of a science fair project so I just re-invented the wheel.'

"Three weeks until the pitch, LOADS of time!"

"Ideas that jump from noggin when head not yet screwed on."

"Lazy? I've been social-networking my ass off."

Desk Boxes: 'In', 'Out', 'Could Go Either Way'.

"The problem with these instructions is that they assume I have the attention span to actually read something."

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

"Don't open me, you fool!"

"I really start dragon around 3 o'clock."

Serious Putty

"I wish my Dad would get off my back! It's only been nine years and he wants to know if I've picked a major yet!"

"And then, suddenly, it was 3 P.M., and she hadn't really got anything done."

Housewife: Out of Order.

"Things to do today: 1) stare out window 2) crap on new bedspread 3) stare out window 4) claw up ottoman 5) stare out window 6) take nap."

Nethead strip: Over doing the time spent on the computer

"I can't mow the lawn today. A bug just flew up my nose."

'When does the improvement phase of this home improvement project begin?'

Waiting to do the second coat was the worst part. It was like watching paint dry.

'On the other hand, if I never finish anything I can't be a complete failure...'

'I put Wilson on your project and last I heard he was all over it!'

Al, The Go-From Guy

'I would've done my homework, but they kept saying 'stay tuned'.'

"Get dressed and sculpt something already."

'Hey, boss, what's a 7 letter work starting with 'w' that represents what I should be doing rather than solving crossword puzzles?'

"What ever happened with that old shack you bought in the woods? You were going to rehab and flip it."

'Work's the greatest thing on earth... so I'm saving some up for tomorrow!'

"You don't get a lot of work done, Jenkins, but I admire how thoroughly unstressed you are."

Invaders from Planet Manava.

"How to deal with weeds."

"What's the difference between the butterscotch champagne mist and the tawny sunset beige? Probably something buried deep in your psyche."

"But I am working, Boss...My computer is running the data on improving employee productivity!"

"The great thing about being bad at your job is nobody asks you for help with their work."

"The pastor can't be disturbed. He's preparing for Sunday's service."