Paint-by-numbers Devotee Gifts

Beginner's Life Classes (painting by numbers).

"As near as I can figure, we're in the Unpainted Desert!"

"Six out of ten statisticians prefer to be in the majority."

Staff Yearbook

'According to our fact finding committee, our stock won't be worth a dime this quarter.'

But under a different accounting convention ...

'The kids just love doing paint by numbers.'

Warning: Math Ahead!

'But if you need someone for the intangibles...'

"Now the board will hear from Todd from Accounting with his free verse composition 'My Mistress, Brash and Beguiling – the Third Quarter Numbers.'"

Reign Man

"The accounting change that contributed most to the quarter was adding three zeros to the revenue number."

"This artist's very successful. And he's not even dead."

"People mistakenly think that we accountants are all boring number crunchers, but the latest figures show that 54% of the 23% of people who responded to a survey were 45% in favour of us being 12% more interesting than average!"

'This red line indicates the change in this red line over a period of time,'

Target setting: 'What about 38%, we haven't used 38% for a while.'

"Profits are up 20%, but unfortunately costs are up 50%."

'If they weren't so damned good we might feel a bit more excited about the figures.'

Jackson Pollock's early paint-by-numbers period.

57th Birthday balloons

'We can't cut out the middle man. With the government in the picture now we are the middle man.'

'You're not just a number to me, Abercrombie -- you're an irrational number!'

Three steps to turn around the economy.

'The good news is we've readjusted our expectations.'

'...or you could fill out this Form 666 and get a filing extension for all eternity.'

"The new tax software is a real eye opener. Every misguided, impulsive purchase I made for the business last year really pops and sizzles in a visual data format!"

'The numbers don't look quite so bad along with the hard liquor.'

'It's true

"Some people think accountants are just boring number crunchers but statistics show that 43% of 456 people covering 56% of the total demographic were 67% sure that we're really a lot of fun!"