Pain Humorist Gifts

'Does your tooth still hurt?' - 'I dunno, the dentist kept it.'

'You know they've reached puberty when they're more interested in Dr. Ruth than Babe Ruth.'

"So I'm perfectly healthy? That's good but will I still be able to research symptoms online and panic?"

'Doctor, how much acupuncture experience DO you have?'

Planned Parenthood: Not Tonight Dear. I Have a Headache.

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

Worries of the first single cell organism. Should I divide? Maybe I won't like my other self! Maybe it won't like me! Two might be nice company. Three, though, that could be crowded.

"I've thought about what you said, about how plate tectonics will kill us all!"

Footballer with a broken leg and a ball in his cast.

"First you leave me in the waiting room for two hours before I can see you... then you tell me I've got to watch my blood pressure!"

"Most people would jump at an opportunity like this."

Basketball injuries.

"Here we still are, eh? So much for the gloom-and-doom types who warned us against eating all the vegetation."

"Are we sexually compatible? Well, we both get headaches at the same time..."

"It's not the walking — it's the waiting."

"Since I heard there was a monster I can't sleep at night!"

Career Threatening Sport Injuries,

"He's brutal but considerate - that's his victims' support number, NHS direct."

"Some Rain Forest this is..."

'I tried to slam a revolving door.'

"To think our very existence hinges on your bloody headache!"

Why hamsters don't sleep at night.

I heard you've to an awful, mysterious pain in the side of your face. Yeah. You can try the modern approach, drug yourself silly so you don't feel the pain. You know a better way, Sadie? Well, in your case, I'd suggest going with the tried and true cure-all: Drill a hole in your head to let out the demons. No need. You're already out. That's ... Well-played, nemesis. Well-played.

I can't come in today. I haven't got chronic diarrhoea!

'Well, Mr. Swine, it looks like you pulled a hamstring.'

'Chainsaw Championships.'

Geez, Bob, maybe you should see a chiropractor.

"If anything happens, Janice, I love you."

"I meet a lot of women in my work but I'm not good at forming long-lasting relationships."

'I'm on the back stretch, about halfway down...I think it's a pulled hamstring.'

'I'm not overweight you know? I'm just big boned.'

Pitchers arm falls off.

WD40

"I think the man in the corner may have the covid."

'No I won't kiss it better!'