Pain Management Humorist Gifts

Volunteers discuss pains

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

Ice Cream Surgeon

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

Lactose Intolerant

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

PSA Banter.

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

"Would you please step back to the machine while I make an adjustment?"

We did a biopsy on the mole we removed, and it turns out it was just an old piece of chocolate.

"Hope you don't mind, but I can't find my little hammer."

Vlad the Inhaler

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

Providing Healthcare For All

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

'ooh! A womb with a view.'

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

'AHH, here it is! At the next intersection, turn left, then cough, following that, turn right, then cough...' WHEN DOCTORS NAVIGATE.

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

I'm taking you off trying to stay young.

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

'Will I live Doctor?' 'Yes, but I don't advise it!'

'We're all out of flu vaccine - how about something for anxiety...?'

'What's wrong with me, Doctor?' 'I have no idea! That information comes within doctor-patient confidentiality.'

What do MD and PHD mean? It means the doctor owes a lot of money in student loans.

"Is that your idea of a well balanced diet"

'His workout regimen consists of 50 sit-downs every day.'