Back Care Humorist Gifts

"I think I know where we went wrong with this salsa routine...bad news, my back's locked up!"

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

Ice Cream Surgeon

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

Lactose Intolerant

"The first one's just a warning."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

PSA Banter.

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

"Would you please step back to the machine while I make an adjustment?"

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

Cardiac Recovery.

Vlad the Inhaler

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

"Hope you don't mind, but I can't find my little hammer."

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

Providing Healthcare For All

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

'ooh! A womb with a view.'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."