Page Scribbler Gifts

"This is a selection from my novel about a writers' group that has one real writer and five wanna-be b*****s."

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

"So start throwing together about 10 novels a week and bring them in on Wednesdays."

Replacement Bus Spotters.

'Anorak anoraks'.

'Ms. Snack, prepare the conference room for an executive sting.'

Bird Watching with Binoculars

"It's been done, but I don't think it's been redone."

'After three years of writer's block, I began writing about writer's block.'

Hans Holbein

Will Self deprecation

'I've worked out that all you need for a summer blockbuster is...'

Musical Prodigy

How to create a brilliant cartoon

'Honestly, I didn't mean any of those things I wrote about you in my diary last night!'

"Is this the wobbly table? I'll put my screenplay under this leg."

'I have a case of...oh, heck. What's that called?'

"Would it hurt you to take two minutes from writing code to write your grandmother?"

A pen spewing letters

'Dammit, Bubbles, we need this memoir yesterday - write, damn you!'

Muse/Museli

Recycling Station: Manuscripts.

"Please stop signing your monitor's screen. There is a proper way to sign a document someone emails you."

"It took me 4 years to finish my book!"

"We have pills for some of that."

"Careful - it's full of lies."

Chicken soup for the bloggers soul.

'Tom is having some difficulty with the new centralised information management system. He's got to put ALL his records on to it...He wrote most of them on his arm!'

'My blog has its own blog.'

The Poet

"Lately, the demands of our cat have begun to spiral wildly out of control."

Scribbling Rivalry.

"But I have a hard time calling this real writing."

'Fifty-seven authors, and neither one of us was included.'