Paganism Gifts

For Witches of a Certain Age

'Enough with the eye of newt. Do you know how many calories there are in newt eyes?'

Once a month she purified the mailbox of the Evil Spirit of Rejection.

"Oh, we're not religious. We only go on the solstices and equinoxes."

'May those who ridicule our pagan beliefs, now suffer the wrath of the god of hissy-fits.'

Yes, Wiccan!

Families barbecue in their back yards while a pagan ritual sacrifice takes place.

Your dinner is in the coven.

'More tea, Wicca?'

Human Cull: People who think you have to be a devout Christian to appreciate Christmas.

"I think it would look better over there!"

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

"I love this place—its food, its ambience, and its political goals."

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

'The BOSS sent me down to help rebuild your faith.'

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

"Maybe the next one will be a singles cruise."

"Guess who brought king cake!"

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

"We only got six days of funding."

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"Great cruise except the zip lining got flooded."

"Do you honestly believe we evolved from a single snow flake?"

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"States of tofu"

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

Moses on the web

'Sire, Sodom and Gomorrah are requesting Federal disaster relief aid.'

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

"You're turn to grill tonight Adam, you make the best ribs."

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"