Pagan Enthusiast Gifts

'May those who ridicule our pagan beliefs, now suffer the wrath of the god of hissy-fits.'

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

"So, what brings you in today, Mr. Brooks? High anxiety again?"

"Oh, we're not religious. We only go on the solstices and equinoxes."

"They're SUPPOSED to have a disparate impact!"

Giant Monster in Bath

"Where’s your sense of Gothic romance?"

"The previous tenant was a bit of a shut-in."

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

"Nevermore." "You don't have to use 'air quoths' every time."

I'm sorry, all our angels are busy at the moment. Please hold and your prayers will be answered in the order it was received.

The ecumenical dinner party.

"What did Jesus order?"

'You know, I never have had a sabbatical....'

"Excuse me, Reverend, but what, exactly, do you have to do to get a drink around here?"

'Why did Moses wander in the desert for forty years?'

'I'll let your people go when they're fully pyramid-compliant!'

Praying mantis.

Trilby - 'Oh my poor girl! my poor girl!'

'One really nice thing up here is that it's always very easy to get an audience with a Pope.'

"There Adam. Isn't that a lot more comfortable than that silly little fig leaf?"

'It's a little varietal I bottle myself...Type A positive.'

"What'd you think the zipper on my face was for?"

"No, the Trinity is not the Father, The Son, and the Preacher's wife."

The Raven in Flight

Moses parting the waves and trolleys appear on the sea bed!

To monk showing book entitled 'Brand Spanking New Testament': "I think we may have to shorten the title."

'- and what makes you think they must have been TALL?'

Cosmetic Stone Mason.

Trilby - 'Ca fera une fameuse crapule de moins'

"Do me a favor, chief. Next time you carve something in stone have it spell checked first."

"Not only should science be Bible-based, Creationism, but also math, Roman numerals!"

Attila the Nun.