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For Witches of a Certain Age

'Enough with the eye of newt. Do you know how many calories there are in newt eyes?'

Once a month she purified the mailbox of the Evil Spirit of Rejection.

"Oh, we're not religious. We only go on the solstices and equinoxes."

'May those who ridicule our pagan beliefs, now suffer the wrath of the god of hissy-fits.'

'To think it was me who suggested you took up an interest like basket-weaving...'

Yes, Wiccan!

Families barbecue in their back yards while a pagan ritual sacrifice takes place.

Your dinner is in the coven.

'More tea, Wicca?'

Human Cull: People who think you have to be a devout Christian to appreciate Christmas.

"I think it would look better over there!"

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

"I love this place—its food, its ambience, and its political goals."

'The BOSS sent me down to help rebuild your faith.'

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

"We only got six days of funding."

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

"Guess who brought king cake!"

"Maybe the next one will be a singles cruise."

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

"Great cruise except the zip lining got flooded."

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

I was holding out okay, until he made it into crumb cake.

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"Do you honestly believe we evolved from a single snow flake?"