Own-goal Analyst Gifts

"An own-goal and a rebound penalty, huh!"

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

"I have a recurring nightmare that I've taken a test, and the professor won't give me an 'A'."

United Football Club: In, Out, VAR.

'I've been coming to Kindergarten every day for two weeks!-- When do I get paid?'

"Well I didn't see the incident myself.."

'Are you blind ref?'

Tonight's Lecture: Eastern Mystical Approaches to Dream Interpretation. Yin-Yang Jung.

"I saw Elvis kissing Santa Claus."

When lice dream.

'Was it the beaver dream again?'

Praying for a goal assist.

"Please, no! Not the pit of people endlessly describing their dreams in great detail!"

'Stock Market re-entry now safe. . . City analysts say.'

"Another nightmare?"

The Goal Post-Impressionists,

'Was it the non-flying dream again?'

"We thought we could put in the details later."

'Last night Warren Buffett came to me in a dream and whispered in my ear, but it was just sexual.'

'Our sabermetrics guy has confirmed that last year's team that went 60-102 was bad.'

Then the tree walked away, and I said good-bye to it... what a dumb dream... whose idea was it to analyse my ideas.

Somewhere in France Gertie Anne Grapples With An Idee Fixe

"Anymore, I'm appearing in only small secondary rolls in my dreams."

The real reason the Christmas Truce didn't last.

Andrew Marr

Referee's Free Kick Pack

'I had that dream again, the one where I couldn't breathe.'

'Better get used to player rotation!'

'The object is to get the ball into either of those two nets.' - 'It would help if the men didn't get in each other's way so much.'

Wordplay: Mind Games.

'Of course I'm confused, I keep dreaming I'm an insomniac.'

"That's the fifth one he's let slip by."

"Offside? By a fingertip? It's football not handball!"

"So, what have you been doing lately?"

'Apparently the first leg was a bit contentious.'