Sports Analyzer Gifts

'Our sabermetrics guy has confirmed that last year's team that went 60-102 was bad.'

Game Of Chance and Game of Skill.

Monster Baseball. The team's continuing to have some problems this season. Jekyll is good one day and bad the next. Dracula only shows up for night games. The Mummy is always covered in bandages and on the injured list. And King Kong can't keep his mind on the game --- Whenever he sees a pretty woman, he climbs up into the stands after her! At least Frankenstein has been pitching great again, just like when he was young! Yeah, he has a completely new arm!

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

Political Candidates' Playbook Signals from the sidelines

Cricket Accidents.

The Other Cooperstown

'He's gonna dunk on me. I just know it.'

'...I don't like your chances!'

Baseball Fantasy League Draft. 27 Trout. Everybody wants that rare player who can do it all on their team. Yeah, a player that hits for average and hits for power! Who is also terrific with a glove and has a strong throwing arm. All along with having great speed! Excuse me, I just don't understand it. Why are you always making such a big deal over a five-tool player?!

'We went generic. The players' salaries are affordable.'

Centaur Forward

'Fergie quits - chewing gum sales hit all time low!'

'At least we don't have to accomplish anything in order to go to a bowl game.'

"It evened out, for every free kick they got, we had one against us."

'I hate it when they emulate their major league heroes.'

7 can't-miss prayers to insure that your team wins.

'I got a reverse hat trick. I let three goals in.'

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

Bessy had won the 100m sprint... but many suspected Steeroid abuse!

"Well I didn't see the incident myself.."

"And now, since our local teams really stink, here are scores for actual good teams around the country that you might want to root for."

Wilfried Zaha

Lost Season

Basketball.

Jose Mourinho & Roman Abramovich Caricature.

'All this viewing is an endurance event in itself...'

"Fellas, I invited Max here to give us a fresh, millennial take on how to get out of the inning."

'Nice tackle, Dewey! You knocked the fur ball out of him!'

'He hasn't played a game yet, but there are people who have started whinging about him already.'

"The good news is I used AI to fill in my March tournament bracket and I won the whole thing. The bad news is AI has become self aware and wants the prize money."

"We would have won if it hadn't been for the other team."