Sports Analysis Gifts

'Our sabermetrics guy has confirmed that last year's team that went 60-102 was bad.'

"Well I didn't see the incident myself.."

'The quarterback's trajectory must rise by ten per cent or they lose by six on Sunday.'

Sportscasters: "This could have been a different game..."

"How do you respond to critics who say you only play the backcourt?"

Women's Football

"It evened out, for every free kick they got, we had one against us."

"He should've passed."

"Eh? What? Eh? I'm sorry, I dozed off during all that cross-field and back passing."

"You know a game is close when every time you watch the replay the result changes."

Football Expert: £25 an hour

"According to the statistics more people look at cricket statistics then watch the game."

'Well if that's the case, I'll throw him mostly curves.'

'...it's foot'n' mouth season ...'

'I'm sure that last ball was lbw.'

"Matsuzaka has an ERA of 3.88, yet Francona’s starting Schilling. Doesn’t that seem counterintuitive to you?"

'A ground ball to deep short, handled beautifully by Santana...'

'As you can see - it doesn't pay to badmouth the quarterback.'

'He's tiring? What happened to round four 'he's ready to go!'?'

'The team in white are bound to win - look at the size of the other team!'

Meet Larry; tenor, baritone, philosopher, social commentator, sport analyst, political expert, relationship expert … and A+ certified plumber.

'He threw four interceptions and blew a 14 point lead in the fourth quarter... get the spin doctor!'

"What happened, honey? Was your team defeated again?"

"How do you know he was offsides? How do you know anything? Isn’t it possible this is all a dream?!"

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

"1-1"

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

Cricket Accidents.

Political Candidates' Playbook Signals from the sidelines

The Other Cooperstown

United Football Club: In, Out, VAR.

'He's gonna dunk on me. I just know it.'

7 can't-miss prayers to insure that your team wins.