Sports Analysis Gifts

'Our sabermetrics guy has confirmed that last year's team that went 60-102 was bad.'

"Well I didn't see the incident myself.."

'The quarterback's trajectory must rise by ten per cent or they lose by six on Sunday.'

Sportscasters: "This could have been a different game..."

The Klinsmann code.

"How do you respond to critics who say you only play the backcourt?"

Women's Football

"It evened out, for every free kick they got, we had one against us."

"He should've passed."

"Eh? What? Eh? I'm sorry, I dozed off during all that cross-field and back passing."

"You know a game is close when every time you watch the replay the result changes."

Football Expert: £25 an hour

More Fifa officials indicted over bribery scandal

"According to the statistics more people look at cricket statistics then watch the game."

'Well if that's the case, I'll throw him mostly curves.'

'...it's foot'n' mouth season ...'

He had finally calculated that the Cubs would win the Series.

'I'm sure that last ball was lbw.'

"Matsuzaka has an ERA of 3.88, yet Francona’s starting Schilling. Doesn’t that seem counterintuitive to you?"

'Gribner is batting .317 with six home runs and a positive steroid testing average of just .17 lifetime. Here's the pitch.'

'A ground ball to deep short, handled beautifully by Santana...'

'As you can see - it doesn't pay to badmouth the quarterback.'

'He's tiring? What happened to round four 'he's ready to go!'?'

'The team in white are bound to win - look at the size of the other team!'

Meet Larry; tenor, baritone, philosopher, social commentator, sport analyst, political expert, relationship expert … and A+ certified plumber.

Jon Gruden

'He threw four interceptions and blew a 14 point lead in the fourth quarter... get the spin doctor!'

"What happened, honey? Was your team defeated again?"

"How do you know he was offsides? How do you know anything? Isn’t it possible this is all a dream?!"

Monster Baseball. The team's continuing to have some problems this season. Jekyll is good one day and bad the next. Dracula only shows up for night games. The Mummy is always covered in bandages and on the injured list. And King Kong can't keep his mind on the game --- Whenever he sees a pretty woman, he climbs up into the stands after her! At least Frankenstein has been pitching great again, just like when he was young! Yeah, he has a completely new arm!

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

"1-1"

"Now we move over to the sports desk."