Offside Analyst Gifts

The real reason the Christmas Truce didn't last.

"Offside? By a fingertip? It's football not handball!"

US and the EU

'I knew this was a bad place to work when I saw that they call the company handbook 'the Owner's Manual.''

"I'd like to be a shake-it-off kind of person, but I'm more of a cling-to-it-and-focus-on-it-until-it's-irrevocably-weaved-into-my-psyche sort of gal."

'Gentlemen, I'd like to introduce you to our new 'health and safety' officer.'

'Where do you want to go for breakfast, fancy an Australian or do you want to nip over to Hawaii?'

'The doctor said my body is 40% fat. These cookies are only 20% fat. That's got to help.'

'So far we don't have any suspects.'

Medellin erases the image of Escobar

"Arrghh! - I came around the corner and tripped over that sign!"

Surfer and the Whale

"Duh!"

"Ah ha! Organised criminals..."

'Some things are better left unsaid but I never know what they are until after I've said them.'

A Wrecked-angle.

'He still can't manage to get into the box.'

Great Urban Sprawl

"Oh George, I wish you'd get things in perspective. . .!"

"They all lead back to this ball of yarn."

"It's not a spike in crime, it's a spike in REPORTING crime that was there all along. So... that's better, right?"

'I can't understand it. I was driving one way on a one way street.'

"Sometimes I just don't know where I end and the invisible fence begins."

Black Magic

'Now that guy is really obtuse. . . and I'm not talking about the angle of the triangle of his fin.'

'It is a bad paper and, as a reviewer, I should reject it, but it cites five of my own papers...'

"You probably would have gotten away with draining the bank account except for one mistake...you signed the checks with the cat's name."

'I love my wife, and I hate my mistress.'

'Bob, call you back. A big auto body job just drove in.'

"No opinion, eh? Well, I'll put you down as 'lair.'"

'Why can't you solve this?!'

'This is the Island of REAL misfit toys.'

Cats vs Murder Wall

Dept. of Traffic Disruption.

"An own-goal and a rebound penalty, huh!"