Over-actor Gifts

Remote control pirate bully

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

They hated me.

"Just be yourself."

Benedict Cumberbatch

'Believing any filming experience may help launch acting careers, some even stage their appearances before closed circuit cameras.'

'They all want to play the star.'

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

"God, I hope no one asks me to sing."

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

'How are the ventriloquist lessons going?'

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

'Hamlet'

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

"They've remained remarkably faithful to the text."

Comedy Cafe

Knight Golfing

"Have you read any of Shakespeare's plays?"

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

Cut!

Applause. Clap clap bravo. Spring musical. Cats. You were terrific! Our little girl!

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

Theatre Masks and Butts

Joan Hickson

'Here's something that should suit your wooden acting style. How do you fancy playing the lead in Pinocchio?'

"If it appears that I only act like I'm working, it's because I minored in Theater."

Steve McQueen

'Look behind you. . . Just kidding.'

'I was an egg in the Easter play.'

Jack Gleeson

Kid with 'Little Wellness Facilitator' kit

"I don't know if I can do 'Gilmore Girls' today. I'm not sure I'm feeling up for anything involving witty yet poignant repartee."

"Toi Toi Toi!"