Overreacting Gifts

"C'mon. She's clearly just a rebound girl."

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

Remote control pirate bully

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

'Don't worry about the company's pension plan. The way we work you, you'll be lucky to live that long!'

That party went well.

No Immediate Danger

"If I go to the party alone, will I be able to leave when I want? But then, there's always the possibility that I will get stuck talking to someone. I can't shake the problem is me. What if no one else likes me? I'm the only one being critical... The issue is I'm not enough and it's really so huge." "The over thinker"

"Dunhomin"

The Thinker and The Reactor.

"My problem is I obsess over whether I worry enough."

"Mom, all I did was fall off my bike and skin my knee."

'I'm wearing a bump cap and a hard hat. I like to be ready for any situation.'

"Wake up, baby. I just realized how my insomnia is all your fault."

"He wasn't specific. His last message just said, play it safe - whatever that means."

"Working an 80 hour week never did me any harm!"

Think - But not too much.

'I disagree with you, doctor. It's not just a hangnail. According to the Internet, it's a rare genetic disorder. . .'

Took a tiny nothing molehill and created this huge, amazing mountain

Immodiu, Ibruprofen, Clarityn, Sudofed, Paracetemol, Nurofen, Rennies, Diareze... - 'What are you doing?' - 'Packing for my holiday to Egypt.' - 'How ill are you planning on being, exactly?' - 'Ah, that reminds me... can I borrow a bucket from you for a

"Hard work, determination, success!"

'The cows are home, the chickens at roost, your horse is in the barn, and I expect you home by 10 PM,'

"Today our panel will be discussing the distinguishing characteristics between the UPS and FedEx truck, and the appropriate corresponding overreaction."

This sun block lotion is so strong, it protects you from sun, lightning strikes, nuclear radiation, and will block cell phone transmissions at 50 feet!

"She's an ideal candidate, masochistic tendencies, no family, hobbies or interests, a private income and she hasn't slept since 2012..."

Maximum Insecurity Prison

"Hey, I'm happy to be called on vacation with news of a great sales result."

"I fell off a 30-foot ladder."

"Crime is so bad around here, that I always immobilise my car."

"Of course he can walk, but why should he?"

"I told you so."

Departments of hand-wringing, pearl- clutching, forehead-slapping, eyeball-rolling, head-scratching, hair-splitting.

Ask Sadie. Sadie, when are you going to stop fighting it and admit your passionate love for Rudy? Signed, Conrad. *Actual reader letter. Who let this question in? I want my producers fired, then fileted, then fired again, and then run down by a car filled with clowns. Seems a little defensive there, Snookums. Clown car!

Based On A True Story

"It's just a sprain. But let me put a cast on it so you won't look like an idiot for screaming like a freakin' schoolgirl."