Outlaw Life Humorist Gifts

"'Wanted' ain't the same as 'Needed', Sheriff."

Skiing.

Irritable trowel syndrome.

"Well if it comes to that you're not exactly Mr Wonderful."

'Zeb, don't you reckon it's time you took that pig into town and traded him for some decent Wi'-Fi?'

Bird Symbol Hunting

Mountain climbers, "Someone's been here before us."

Pop Top Ice FIshing

"Only 150 kids? - Have you considered fertility treatment?"

'I do enjoy the winter olympics.'

"Perhaps I should have warned you...They really don't like wholemeal bread."

'Clayton enjoys living on the edge,'

'Click it or ticket.'

"Have you farted. . . ?"

"Geez, Dude. I asked for a slight trim. Not a Brazilian wax."

'...And if that doesn't work, grab your rifle and start blasting away.'

When staffing agencies screw up.

'If a bear attacks and I have to play dead I want it to be as convincing as possible!'

Ranger has sign saying 'Do not feed the bears'. Bear crosses out sign to read 'Feed the bears'.

"Have you ever actually seen a chicken cross the road?"

"Yes, I do know how to light a fire with two sticks... Provided one of them is a match."

Fish Training

Ant Drones

"You're not just a number here. You're a number who hasn't been fired yet."

"This time it's curtains for you, Black Bart!"

"He's really not that scary, Teresa."

'Organically-grown popcorn? Give me a break!'

Fly fishing.

'Darlin', what's an adjective for a two-timin', heart-breakin' outlaw that rhymes with iPod?'

Eat the grass in perfect circles. It drives them crazy.

'Steady Lulu, steady, ...HEEL!' - The Rare Poodle Retriever.

"Watch yourself, stranger. I've got an itchy trigger finger."

Cleaner, scrubs floor with her name plate in front of her.

"Do you hear dueling tubas?"