Outlaw Life Humorist Gifts

"'Wanted' ain't the same as 'Needed', Sheriff."

Skiing.

Irritable trowel syndrome.

"Well if it comes to that you're not exactly Mr Wonderful."

'Zeb, don't you reckon it's time you took that pig into town and traded him for some decent Wi'-Fi?'

Pop Top Ice FIshing

Mountain climbers, "Someone's been here before us."

Bird Symbol Hunting

"Only 150 kids? - Have you considered fertility treatment?"

'I do enjoy the winter olympics.'

'Click it or ticket.'

"Geez, Dude. I asked for a slight trim. Not a Brazilian wax."

"Perhaps I should have warned you...They really don't like wholemeal bread."

"Have you farted. . . ?"

'If I got the job as a sales manager here at Zenadine, I would probably straggle in around 10, then surf the Net for a while, do a crossword...'

'Clayton enjoys living on the edge,'

'...And if that doesn't work, grab your rifle and start blasting away.'

When staffing agencies screw up.

'If a bear attacks and I have to play dead I want it to be as convincing as possible!'

"Have you ever actually seen a chicken cross the road?"

Ranger has sign saying 'Do not feed the bears'. Bear crosses out sign to read 'Feed the bears'.

"Yes, I do know how to light a fire with two sticks... Provided one of them is a match."

"You're not just a number here. You're a number who hasn't been fired yet."

'Organically-grown popcorn? Give me a break!'

Fish Training

"This time it's curtains for you, Black Bart!"

Ant Drones

"He's really not that scary, Teresa."

Fly fishing.

A "half-life" is the time it takes for a quantity of a radioactive material to be cut in half by decay. In each successive half-life period, the quantity is halved again. Half-life length varies widely form element to element. Eating healthier is a common new year's resolution. Our data shows breaking this resolution follows a curve like those seen with nuclear decay. As of yesterday about ten percent of those who made the resolution this year are still sticking to it. We calculated the re

'Darlin', what's an adjective for a two-timin', heart-breakin' outlaw that rhymes with iPod?'

Eat the grass in perfect circles. It drives them crazy.

'Steady Lulu, steady, ...HEEL!' - The Rare Poodle Retriever.

"Watch yourself, stranger. I've got an itchy trigger finger."

'We're going into cold water and HE'S drinking the hot chocolate!'