Outdoor Project Planner Gifts

'I have the perfect shovel-ready project to stimulate you.'

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

"If you're smart enough to design a robot to do your homework, then you're certainly smart enough to just do your homework."

"Three weeks until the pitch, LOADS of time!"

'Dang it, I just washed this street. Boy, every time...'

A resourceful girl, Cynthia hoped to get credit in both Earth Sciences and Culinary Arts with her ozone layer cake.

"I thought you were making a coffee table?"

God's Subcontractors

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

Relaxing in the Sun

"Remember now, anything is DIY-abe if you just do it yourself."

'Roger's busy making a cat-flap in the kitchen.'

Breakthrough

D.I.Y with dad.

"You pulled most of the muscles in your back lifting your to-do list? You've got a bigger problem than pulled muscles."

Home De-Po. Things you need for your project. Things you didn't know you needed until you were halfway through your project.

What are we doing today? Installing raised beds. Then we'll plant them for a couple who want organic vegetables. Brilliant, Dad. Tree's Tree Nursery. You take the hard work out of gardening. Right. And give it to me! Right again!

Waiting for retirement.

"Let's face it, this meeting isn't about tightening our work schedule. It's about stretching our deadline."

'I'm doing a school report on 'the aging process,' Dad -- can I interview you?'

'The project isn't that important, so put some of your worst people on it.'

'The guy in the scarecrow shop promised me that nothing scares crows better than the 'Giant Fox XR50'.'

'Uh oh. I can see another few hundred will be added to your bid.'

'We're waiting for an estimate that doesn't make him do that.'

"I'd love to sit down and discuss my project with you some time. Let me check my calendar and I'll get back to you."

What's your contingency plan, Randy? My what? If a calamity of biblical proportions were to strike here in Canardville, would you flee across the bridge to Candorville? Or would you search in vain for a fallout-resistant bunker, before surrendering to the cruel inevitability of your demise? I ask just for the sake of discussion. No reason to panic. Totally unrelated: I just found out someone who's definitely not me is selling fallout bunkers at buy-this-now-if-you-want-to-live.com. Very bad man.

Catastrophe Risk Insurance

"Damn! Someone just asked for chicken drumsticks."

This year, Barry resolved to try new things and take more chances - starting tomorrow.

The Best Laid Plans

Tsunami Evac Route

'Regarding our deadline - have we moved to long-range planning or still stuck in short-term excuses?'

Apparently summer's going to start next month.

'My hubby is getting better at D.I.Y. . . . Oh yes, he now spends more on screws than plasters.'

"We're going to need a bigger rake."