Outdoor Improviser Gifts

Sprinkler dish washing.

Skiing.

"We really need more perennials? Aren't my weeds and crabgrass enough?"

'We like the occasional drink on the patio.'

Bad Timbre: the world's first Garage Philharmonic Orchestra

Jazz is Invented

Canape?

Irritable trowel syndrome.

"I love your work!"

"Well if it comes to that you're not exactly Mr Wonderful."

The Hammer

Barbecue raises a cloud of smoke; birds and squirrel in tree above wear gas masks.

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'

Mountain climbers, "Someone's been here before us."

"Only 150 kids? - Have you considered fertility treatment?"

'I made a Valentine's Day card for you. The school has no art supplies so I wrote the color in.'

"There are those who say I'm a throwback to Monet."

"Perhaps I should have warned you...They really don't like wholemeal bread."

'Clayton enjoys living on the edge,'

Campground Conductor

"Have you farted. . . ?"

Spider Web Musical Score.

"Isn't it about time to switch from your warm-weather chair to your cold-weather chair?"

'We have an emergency, ladies and gentlemen! We need help - can anybody in the audience play the tambourine.'

"Before someone says anything, yes, it was a long winter."

'Well, you always said you wanted a water feature for the garden.'

The Augie Twins write music strictly for their own amusement.

'If a bear attacks and I have to play dead I want it to be as convincing as possible!'

Ranger has sign saying 'Do not feed the bears'. Bear crosses out sign to read 'Feed the bears'.

"Have you ever actually seen a chicken cross the road?"

'Fred's opinion of crab grass is if you can't beat it, join it.'

"Yes, I do know how to light a fire with two sticks... Provided one of them is a match."

Barry's new George Foreman Grill warned him anytime the meat was being overcooked.

Fly fishing.

Shoot, I forgot about that underground sprinkler.