Outdoor Dining Critic Gifts

"That! That's why I don't like Alfresco dining!"

'More damn cookies, soda pop and hot dogs!!! Doesn't anyone around here eat healthy.'

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

Every barbecue has its winners and losers.

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

"The fish sticks here are very good."

would you like it with extra botulism and a touch of salmonella?

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

"War is hell and so is this soup."

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

"Something's wrong with the broccoli. Please take it back to the kitchen and have it genetically modified."

Your lobster was off!

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

Joe's Kaff for Dinners! And Afters Too!

"Five hamburgers with buns, three hamburgers without buns and two buns, without hamburgers."

'Burl says it only works with corn though if you want to try it.'

"How fresh is the calamari?"

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

At This Restaurant, There Are Only Two Dishes on the Menu and They Both Suck

"To paraphrase Nietzsche, there is no pleasure without pain au chocolat."

"Careful. That house has a taser."

"Darling, wait until you taste the new year's menu I have ordered for us!"

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

'It's my favorite.'

"The soup of the day is pineapple with a hint of rum."

Holiday Supplies

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

'Strong curry for two and a fire-extinguisher.'

Prosecco Peacock

"We'll start with the appetizer, move on to the entree, and then finish up with dessert."

"I thought we'd eat out on the patio for a change."

"The Taco is good on the trail but where do I put the drink?"

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

"Your meal sounded nice."