Outcome Optimizer Gifts

'I think my teacher is very devoted. She always says she's more interested in the outcome than her income.'

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

"This software will cut my workload in half, so I purchased two."

'Don't worry about it. If at first we don't succeed, we can do it later and get paid time-and-a-half for it.'

"Maybe we should have another look at the 'business as usual' idea."

'We believe in using performance-enhancing drugs here.. they're called bonuses.'

'Eee,love - this place gives me a great idea for the spare bedroom!'

"I'll throw in a few extra pinstripes."

"We want it to look lived in, but not necessarily by us."

'You may have found more new customers than the other salesmen, but your profits are too small! Stop just pulling in peanuts, Barry!'

'You've been rearranging the furniture again, haven't you?'

"It's a terrific space, Tony—but do you think the TV will fit?"

"The mirrors really do make this apartment look bigger."

Castle Efficiency

'Gentlemen, we make money the old-fashioned way, and it's got to STOP!'

'He's a control freak but the treats are good.'

"And these are the Andersons, our tenants."

The Devolution of Man

'Today's Odds' sign above a copier showing various odds for machine's malfunctions

"Lady here wants to put £5 on Cambridge 'Each way'!"

'The town I grew up in was so affluent they used to close the schools in honor of options expiration day.'

"Junior, there's more to life than winning. There's also beating the spread."

Avoidance of Situation/Work required to succeed.

"That's your tiny house!"

'How do you like the new cubicle?' - 'Can I have my old office back please.'

"Just think- if it really was 'unlivably small,' would they have installed a permanent Ping-Pong table?"

Silly man ordered a bed that is too big for his room.

"Lay off the junk food, your pancreas is rusty"

"It's really too much house for us, but Fran and I plan to live in the walk-in closet and rent the rest."

"I, too, like being festive, but since we live in a nest, space is a factor."

"I like putting any all the holiday decorations....it makes the room seem twice as large."

"Actually, turns out my entire life can take place at 10%."