Ostrich Aficionado Gifts

"Welcome,everyone. It's lovely to see so many faces here this morning."

Ostriches put their head inside holes to watch sports on TV.

"That's it. We’re toast."

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

Something tells me it's not going to be a good school report!

"We've misjudged the tapas again."

Slices of bread rescuing burnt toast.

Filling the Missile Gap

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

'I really hate cleaning this thing.'

F&E Subs. Hey, you replaced the little swords with periscope-shaped toothpicks! Nice touch, Ernie!

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

'How would you like your toast?'

'They are boneless, I didn't say anything about beaks.'

'Sure, I could be independent, but it's so much nicer to allow myself to be spoiled rotten by Mistress...'

"A little lamb please."

"Are you as excited as I am?"

'Take two asprin and stick your head in the the sand.'

Orville Wright, not sure he wants to eat airline food, brings a sandwich to his historic first flight.

'Fred,you've got to stop burying your head in the sand.'

'They ought to change the name of this deli to The Cramer - they get it wrong 50 of the time.'

'The lunch menu has sure picked up since they built the alfresco area.'

"We can address the underlying problems ... or ... you can keep your head in the sand."

'You're kinky, aren't you, Samuel?'

Law and Lunacy; Or, a Glorious Oyster Season for the Lawyers

A lot of attention gets paid to the Earl of Sandwich, and rightfully so, but let's not forget to show some respect for that neglected Lord of Lunch, the Viscount of Potato Salad.

"I recommend the pimento loaf with pickle. It's bursting with umami."

"I'm going across the street for a sandwich and coffee. Can I get you something?"

'Your French dip, sir.'

Champagne and Oysters

'First you feel shock, then anger, and finally remorse. It's the three stages of grief when buying the tuna sandwich.'

"This isn't a donor heart. It's a tuna on rye."

Timmys Pet Ostrich

'Do you think he knows we're carrying beef sandwiches?'

"Is it okay if I dissect this ham sandwich?"