Ornithologists T-Shirts

"Wow, I could never live in the rainforest. I mean, I spent a weekend there on migration and had a blast, but I could never live there."

Bird Bathrooms

'Isn't that cute! They're thanking us.'

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"Finches, don't look now, but there's a creepy guy staring at our beaks."

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Polluted geese

"Four years of dental school only to tell all my patients 'Don't worry about any tooth issues - they'll just fall out and be replaced, anyway'."

Sign in tree from bird "next appearance 3:00 pm"

"What I'd give for a stimulating conversation..."

"Sure my wings flap 70 times per second-- I've been sipping nectar all day."

"Thanks! Carl put his heart and soul into it, along with, of course, lots of mud and a boatload of his own saliva."

'Son, it's time we had that little talk about ornithology and entomology.'

So you're a mocking bird...

'The doctor's gonna have to wire your mouth shut for a month... but guess what! If you're brave, I'll give you this lollipop when he's done!'

'What was that?!' 'A 'Mach'-ing bird.'

"Mating dance? Good luck with that. I couldn't even get my husband to do the chicken dance at our wedding."

Wanted For Bird Watching: Reward

Woodpecker carving pumpkins

'Yeah, I agree: It's hard to impress females by looking virile and strong when you're all pink...'

'Don't fall for all that...you should see him first thing in the morning.'

Birds reading over woman's shoulder

"I know we got early to catch him...but he looks so cute I just can't eat him!"

'I got tired of wet feet all the time.'

'I told you teamwork was the key to success...'

Geese's Thoughts.

Trumpeter swan meets trombone swan.

"I've never had a bird's eye view of anything."

Espresso Martini Peacock

'It's the same everywhere: body over brains.'

"One!...Two!...Now spread those tail feathers..."

'I know that our nesting area is somewhere around here?'

"What did you think was going to happen when you filled the feeder with lasagna?"

'Nigel, what have I told you about bringing your work home with you?'