Ornithologist Humorist Gifts

Two birds in a tree; one singing, the other thinking 'Geez, what a line.'

"You're very lucky that gazelle gives me diarrhea."

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

"Yes, they're hair extensions, but you have to agree, I look fabulous..."

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

'...Excuse me...Whoops, my fault!..Sorry!..You first...Pardon Me...Sorry...S'cuse me...Look out!...Pardon'

"Just because we're hyenas doesn't mean we always have to get Laughing Cow cheese."

'Whup - giant anaconda about to attack - quick Peg, hand me something to take care of it with.'

'Jurassic Pork.'

"Too much concealer?"

"Scuba cow"

"Yes, one is a dog."

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

Hats and Food

'Of course I'm being catty. How else do you expect me to act?'

'I got tired of wet feet all the time.'

'Yeah, I agree: It's hard to impress females by looking virile and strong when you're all pink...'

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

Burmese pythons discussing a complete invasion.

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

"Grass-cream! Thanks Mum!"

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

Trumpeter swan meets trombone swan.

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

"Yep. Looks like we have ringworm."

When Love In The Laboratory Turns Sour.

'Well, I guess we're the control group.'

'Pray for me.'

No jay walking.

'Mom and dad...if someone threw a rock at me, it would really be like killing two birds with one stone.' 'I told you if we had a child, he'd be a wise-quacker.'

"That product you are using is fantastic. Your eye bags are gone."

"Did you know he'd joined a squirrel watchers club?"