Ornithologist Humorist Gifts

Two birds in a tree; one singing, the other thinking 'Geez, what a line.'

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

"Yes, they're hair extensions, but you have to agree, I look fabulous..."

"You're very lucky that gazelle gives me diarrhea."

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

"Just because we're hyenas doesn't mean we always have to get Laughing Cow cheese."

'I got tired of wet feet all the time.'

"Too much concealer?"

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

'Of course I'm being catty. How else do you expect me to act?'

'Whup - giant anaconda about to attack - quick Peg, hand me something to take care of it with.'

"Scuba cow"

Hats and Food

'...Excuse me...Whoops, my fault!..Sorry!..You first...Pardon Me...Sorry...S'cuse me...Look out!...Pardon'

'Yeah, I agree: It's hard to impress females by looking virile and strong when you're all pink...'

'Jurassic Pork.'

"Yes, one is a dog."

Burmese pythons discussing a complete invasion.

"Grass-cream! Thanks Mum!"

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

"Yep. Looks like we have ringworm."

Trumpeter swan meets trombone swan.

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

'Well, I guess we're the control group.'

'Pray for me.'

No jay walking.

"That product you are using is fantastic. Your eye bags are gone."

"Did you know he'd joined a squirrel watchers club?"

Northeastern Deer/Southwestern Deer