Orchid Admirer Gifts

'Don't be alarmed madam - I'm an Orchidophile!'

"Hey, I got you a beautiful orchid to cheer you up until it turns into just a stick protruding from dirt."

"But it's literally my job to be sensitive and fragile."

I'm with my nana at the flower show. You can't believe how gross everyone is. Listen to this!

What your house plant says about you...

You can take the man out of Kew...

"There goes another rare hill orchid."

A spider is afraid of another spider's mask.

Yeah, it's funny, but you'll see, in this house, it's the guy who screams the loudest...

"No! I want to live! I want to live!"

"My great-great-grandfather was forced to flee Europe because of religious persecution."

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

'Actually, a broken arm is not such a big handicap for me...'

'Not only didn't he turn into a prince, but he gave me these awful warts!'

Watering the garden in the rain.

"You are going to meet a beautiful young lady at a biology lesson. . ."

"Is it me, or would a dung beetle taste really good right now?"

'Fred,you've got to stop burying your head in the sand.'

Dispose of unproductive fruit trees.

'I know what you're thinking.'

'Just too many choices.'

Spider Press-Ups

'The biggest problem in this business is convincing your wife that money doesn't grow on trees.'

Flava Superba

"It's alright for you, female worms are everywhere, but when was the last time you saw a Mummy-Long-Legs?"

"Of all my husbands I believe the first one tasted the best."

Eye of Newt (evidently the favored hamburger condiment for witches)

'Reallly Miss Jones...all this fuss over a silly little spider!'

'You're kinky, aren't you, Samuel?'

'He's half sheepdog and half rottweiler... first he rounds 'em up and then he eats 'em!'

"An accountant? No son of mine is going to be an accountant! You'll be an octopus wrangler like your old man, and like it!"

"In heaven there are no trees."

'Wheeee...'

'What luck!'

"I predict an orchid in the shape of a dry but still fruity Sauvignon Blanc."