Operation Ace Gifts

"And that is how you handle liver!"

'Spend all morning on a cryptorchidectomy...'

He may have a PH.D in elementary particle physics, but he's having an awful lot of trouble with the application form.

A Hole in the Dike

Big Hank's shooting gallery.

"It's all a matter of planning...."

Failure/Due Diligence

'Would everyone please phrase their questions in ones and zeros please.'

'What I did on my summer vacation: I wrote about what I had done the rest of the year.'

'Eureka! After months of research and formulating algorithms, I've done it... I've discovered the secret to 'being cool'!'

Hair Traffic control.

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

'I'm reporting you to the Department of Education!'

'They're only interested in computer generated mammoths.' (Theatrical Agent).

A man with a shirt reading 'No Pain No Gain' runs past a man who is relaxing with a 'No Pain No Pain' shirt on.

'In the doctor's defense, there have been no serious post operative complications.'

'Come on, come on! Bite! Oh, man... He's looking right at it!!'

Oblivious at 20,000 Feet

Try to hold your audience's attention when giving a presentation.

Cartoon Editor: No, No, No, No, No, No, Maybe.

"Oh come on mate. I thought you said that you'd done the knowledge!"

"Term paper?! How do we do that? We haven't done a term paper all year!"

'Every single piece of homework handed in this morning - there couldn't have been much on TV last night!'

"Never forget he's a wild animal."

Snooker.

'Stupid teacher! - I have to do a report on a book that hasn't even been made into a MOVIE!'

'Try to keep the number of your landings equal to the number of your takeoffs!'

Citations Needed!

Stealth fighter fly over.

'I tell you they switched us when they changed the water. That's my husband over there.'

"Today we're filling out mock college applications."

'What made that candidate stand out?'

"Top quality line, expert knot, expensive lure: Now, that's how you recognise a Sport Fisherman..."

"I'd love to meet up, but my calendar is a jam-packed with squares and sequential numbers."

"My super powers are listening and downsizing my life."