Conversation Ace Gifts

"My super powers are listening and downsizing my life."

'Muriel has her own version of 'surround sound.''

"Where else in the world would you get such wonderful sunsets?"

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

"So, you say I'll be doubling the numbers of animals I kill?"

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

What nationality were your parents? North or south Poles?

"Could I ask just one question?"

"I like movies that resemble my life, so I don't feel like I'm wasting time watching a movie."

"They haven't said two words to each other—it's sad... I hope we don't end up like that." "They keep talking to each other—it's exhausting... So glad we don't have to do that."

"Let's say you've always wanted to make someone a mixtape to show them how much you care about them. What's the best order? Do you start with songs about how rich you are before moving on to the songs about love? Or vice versa?. . .What order would best simulate sincerity?"

So you're a mocking bird...

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

"He's sworn never to say Boudicca, ShrOwsbury, whoM, or narrative."

"Ever feel like even when you're barking at something you're still barking at nothing?"

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

"Gals, you know I hate being the center of attention, so for the next 45 minutes I am going to monologue about all the minute details of my wedding planning."

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

"Say, when did you get so fluff?"

'What a CV - if you can write memos like this you'll go far in our organisation.'

"Hi. What kind of wine goes with fruit salad?"

Grizzly bears are gregarious animals.

"Death Star? Is that in the Valley?"

"I disagree — I think humans are funny."

"So, what do you do for play?"

"Truth is relative at these reunions. It depends on which relative you talk to."

“I may not know much about books, but I do know which titles burn best.”

"...Ooh, I wanna know more about your dark side!"

"He gets easily abstracted."

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.