Opening A New Court Gifts

"It make syou kind of proud to be helping to build this giant new hospital doesn't it!!"

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

What do you mean, "Did I try anything funny?"

"Bailiff."

"You moved two spaced and then one space to the side? Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, that sure sounds illegal."

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

"Better that a hundred guilty men go free than one innocent man be convicted, right?"

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, despite how bad it's going to screw you?"

"Am I going to get my just desserts?"

'Let's try it again. And this time, don't cross your fingers.'

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

'I object, Your Honor! Hearsay evidence!'

"...And the court awards you twenty five thousand for the loss of faculty in your right arm."

"Welcome."

"'If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all' doesn't work with a grand jury."

Arrogant junior barrister

"The Defendant must stop trying to side-step every question the prosecution asks!"

"'Ignorance of the law is no excuse.' Golly! I never heard that one! Did you ever hear that one?"

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, dummy!'

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

"Apparently, you have very little respect for our judicial system, sauntering in here with only one lawyer."

'We find the defendant guilty. I mean, why else would he go out and hire the best lawyer in town?'

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'

'No, no. I told you to look for a precedent.'

"Excellent! It's the disclosure documents for your hearing on Monday."

"This jury may not be swayed by any defense that relies on emotion."

Two lawyers in a royal court

"Objections overruled...I also think the defendent looks extremly dodgy"