Online Security Skeptic Gifts

'You've forgotten your password again then!'

UK border controls relaxed.

"The smart toaster is down, and it took our wifi, security cameras, and entertainment systems with it."

"That? It's where I keep all my passwords."

"David live a rich, full life, despite what his Wikipedia page says."

'Well look, here come the hackers!'

"Hack back with all you've got!"

"....and then it turned out that the e-mail I ignored that I got from the Nigerian bank offering me £200 million was REAL!"

Coffee. The phrase "where everybody knows your name" used to sound warm and friendly. Now, with all our personal information exposed online, it sounds scary!

'My daughter read on the internet about a hip replacement with free built-in MP3 player,'

"We've updated our privacy policy...it's so private we can't even tell you."

"Some fine day, my son, all this will be yours."

Down With Wikipedia

Skip the TSA scans by wearing a Burka

'The best way to protect your privacy is through a flood of misinformation obscuring the truth.'

"...And those are some of the books I would have read if the Internet had never been invented."

'Computer crime seems to be on the rise.'

The Government is now following you...

"Didn't anyone ever warn you about opening an e-mail from someone you don't know?"

"Well, who you gonna believe? Me or Wikipedia?"

"When I was a kid there was no internet. If you wanted to bully someone, you had to do it to their face."

"It used to be that if you worried about unseen forces you were considered paranoid. Now you're a security expert."

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

"Look, he's got his blanket. He's doing a secure search."

"My self esteem is low ... how come I never got hacked?"

Your DNA is in the database.

'I think your firewall is turned up too high!'

"I'm sorry your password needs to include upper & lower case letters & at least one number."

"To prove I'm human, and not a spam bot, this site wants me to solve the mystery of the universe. Why couldn't they just ask if fire is hot or cold?"

"I typed the incorrect password for my online banking so much that not only did they lock me out - they locked me up."

'Really, a foreign wine? What will the NSA think?'

"You are now $15,000 richer. I found the online password to your brokerage account 20 traders ago."

"No, as of yet, they are not on the internet!"

"That'll keep them out."

"My owners named me Kvduer92hybH20UDF8fhsj becuase they wanted to remember a strong password for their online banking."