Online Security Enthusiast Gifts

'When you've found some change for the gas meter have a look a this email you got from some bloke in Africa asking you to safeguard 13 million dollars...'

"Some fine day, my son, all this will be yours."

Hi, I need assistance in transferring $20 million from a Nigerian bankn. Careful, Ernie, that's a phishing star.

"I never gave you more than you could handle. Well, except for all those passwords."

'Where was the TSA?'

"Does anyone know anything about spyware?"

Super Strength, Impervious to Bullets And Explosions

"On a positive note, he's not our boss. He's the guy who stole our boss's identity."

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

A Little Extra

'Kumor's responsible for all the computer passwords, so the boss had him encrypted.'

"Sorry kid, I work alone."

"The new computer is great, but we can't get rid of the old one. It knows too much."

"Get used to verifications. In the court of the internet, you are presumed a robot until proven otherwise."

"These targeted ads are getting out of hand."

CCTV in church.

"I think retrieving the info from that harddrive might be a little tricky."

"Hackers, Sire! They've broken through our firewall."

"Are you sure you updated the anti-virus software?"

"This is Alexander. He’ll be heading up our hacking division."

'Since PRISM, nothing is 'off the record' any more.'

The Ayatollah Bomb?

'It's a foolproof computer network, sir, that no one can break into, not even a kid.'

'This biometric ID badge is part of the new security system. The badge contains my encoded retinal scan, fingerprints, and level of job enthusiasm.'

"Tell me when it's all cyber warfare, and I'll enlist!"

"If you're my gramma you wouldn't have a problem consenting to a retina scan!"

"Fifth robbery this week. That's not a security camera ??" a local TV news station installed it to save time."

IT security.

The prime minister: the current threat to national security...

'Someone is reading our emails. I'm afraid this means we're going to have to talk to each other.'

"Hi, I'm the new IT-security-expert! Where is your server room? I want to see if I can overcome your firewall!"

'Principal McWit, a student without an appointment is here and says he's holding your computer access codes for ransom.'

'Don't worry -- the security camera is for your own protection.'

Holding the Line Against Terrorists with Midrange IQs